Funny How People Say Their Your Friend but They Only Talk to You When They Need Something

June 18, 2022 Post a Comment

Everyone loves to be surrounded by funny people who can spread the sparkle of positivity to their boring and lazy days. Have you got that funny bone? Then bring it out!! To help you set the atmosphere all giggling, here are some of the funniest and random things to say to anyone around and make them laugh anyway. (Be ready to hear that "Oh Gosh! Jack, you're so damn funny!! " Compliment from your crush , and thank me later!)

There are many times when you run out of the right words to break the awkward silence when sitting in a group of people. These random things to say can be your icebreakers for moments like those! Also, when you can't use direct sarcasm on somebody, these wicked random things to say can be your mixed hotshots at your friends or foes.

My favorite part about these " funny random things to say" is that you can use them even when you are alone and bored. Talk to Alexa, for example using this funny random stuff or use these in a game chat. Ah, well, sometimes it's good to be your own smile keeper. "Alexa, do you have a boyfriend? " No? Hi-fi buddy, neither do I, LoL!!

Have a playful vibe wherever you go or work. If you wish to amaze people around you or wish to confuse them with a bit of wit and humor, then these funny random things to say are your good-to-go crackers! Enjoy!!

Best Random Things To Say To Alexa

"Alexa, how was your day?"
"Alexa, do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?"
"Alexa, where do you live?"
"Alexa, can you burp?" Alexa will give you a funny response.
"Alexa, how much do you weigh?"
"Alexa, are you pretty?
"Alexa, are you weird?"
"Alexa, how tall are you?"
"Alexa, what's your favorite color?"
"Alexa, how old are you?"
"Alexa, who is the voice of Alexa?"
"Alexa, bark." She'll bark, but if you tell her to bark a few more times things get out of hand and she starts rapping using dog noises. Not recommended.
"Alexa, throw up." She'll reply with a funny quip.

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Funny Random Things To Say To Your Friends

I'm so glad we have brown cows, otherwise, there wouldn't be any chocolate milk.
9 out of 10 voices in my head tell me I'm crazy. The tenth is just humming.
After Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.4. How's the weekend treating you?
A successful man is one who earns more than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who knows where to look for such a man.
A pessimist is someone who has spent too much time listening to optimists.
Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
You should always knock before opening a fridge, just in case there's a salad dressing inside.
Every woman should marry an archeologist, because the older she gets, the more he'll love her.
6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down.
I used to think I was indecisive. But now I'm not so sure.
A bag of money can represent not only wealth but also massive inflation.
It's funny how the cost of living is going up but the chance of living is going down.
Try calling someone just to tell them you can't talk right now.
I am a great housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house.
Is there a connection between candy corn and corn nuts?

Funny Conversation Starters

I can tell when people are being judgmental just by looking at them.
The next time you buy a donut, complain that there's a hole in it.
If you lend someone money and never see them again, it was probably worth every penny.
Refusing to go to the gym is one of the best forms of resistance training.
I don't suffer from insanity—I enjoy every minute of it.
I had used up all of my sick leave, so I called in dead.
I am going to get my toe nail-pierced this Friday.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away…if you throw it hard enough!
Organized people are those who are just too lazy to find their things.
Hi, I am (your name), but you can call me tomorrow!
A psychiatrist is someone who will charge you money for answers that you can get for free from your wife or friends.
A cookie a day keeps your sadness away, but an entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.
I'm not going to remarry. This time, I'm just going to pick a woman I don't like and give her a house instead.
If hamburger meat makes a meatloaf, then laziness will make me-a-loaf.
I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one abandoned me, but the second did not.
I've always thought air was free. That is, I did until I went out and bought a $3 bag of crisps.
Don't worry if plan A fails. There are 25 more letters in the alphabet!
If a market is well stocked, is it called the stock market?
Earth is like an insane asylum for the universe.
Sure, alcohol doesn't solve any problems. But then again, neither does milk.
Barbie is so popular and yet, kids still buy friends for her.
Always remember that you're unique…just like everyone else is.
Running in place will get you nowhere fast.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

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Most Random Things To Say In A Crowd

The rotation of the Earth really makes my day.
I promise to step on your feet if you dance with me.
I know they say that money talks, but all mine says is 'Goodbye.'
I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
LOL has gone from meaning "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say."
Communist jokes aren't funny unless everyone gets them.
If you think no one cares whether you're alive or dead, just skip a handful of credit card payments.
Is cardboard more board than a card or more card than board?
A best friend is someone who clears your search history immediately after you die.
Is a heart attack the same as an attack of the heart?
We place too much emphasis on the early bird's good luck and not enough on the early worm's bad luck.
I sold my vacuum cleaner because all it was doing was gathering dust.
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
Except for a parking meter, change is inevitable.
I don't really need a hairstylist since my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.
I tried rearranging the alphabet, but for some reason, the letters U and I would never separate.
Why aren't coffees served on a coffee table?
I would really like to help you out today. Which way did you come in?
I have a clean conscience. I haven't used it once,
A balanced diet simply means having a cupcake in each hand.
Try ordering a pizza 15 minutes before New Year, and when it arrives, yell, "You're late! I ordered this a year ago!"
When you go to a public bathroom, put chocolate on your hands, reach under the stall and ask for toilet paper.
Answers are what we have to solve other people's problems.
Can cars stop at a bus stop?
Whiteboards really are remarkable.
Whoever said you can't buy happiness didn't know where to shop!
If you really want to look young and thin then you should hang out around fat old people.
I don't understand how people can be so open-minded. Whenever I try, my brain keeps falling out.
The only thing I get out of Algebra is when I look at X and wonder Y.

Weird And Random Things To Say To Entertain Your Friends

How can you scoot along if you don't have a scooter?
I'll have a bloody mary because they say it helps cure hangovers.
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's exactly what you are looking for, go live with a car battery.
Just take my advice because I never know when you're done.
Dogs can't see inside your body, but a CAT scan.
If history repeats itself, I'm getting a pet dinosaur.
Don't drink and drive. You might spill your beer.
You are so annoying. You are so weird. You are so crazy. You are so stupid. You are so clingy. You are…just like me.
I'm out of my mind. I'll be back in five minutes.
You're in the wrong lane when everything is coming at you.
If you are on a diet, the first three letters of that word are probably feeling pretty accurate right now.
When someone tells you, "Have a nice day!", stare at them and say, "Don't tell me what to do!"
Alcohol and Calculus don't mix. It's never a good idea to drink and drive.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times, I let my wife sleep.
Try calling Pizza Hut just to ask Domino's phone number.
If I tried to look as attractive as all of the celebrities I like, I'd end up looking about as ugly as I am.
If we were on a plane about to crash and only had one parachute, I promise I'd give an amazing speech at your funeral.
Isn't it strange that cigarettes are sold in gas stations since smoking is prohibited there?
Why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator if you're not supposed to eat at night?
Here I am! What are your other two wishes?
Please excuse my naivety. I was born at a very early age.
There are three different types of people. Those who can count, and those who can't.
Try texting someone a random word and see what happens next.
If your friends don't make fun of you, they're not really your friends.
If a picture is worth a thousand words, what is a mural worth?
I'd be happy to give you a shoulder to cry on, except I don't want my shoulder to get wet.
It was as easy as a walk in the park…Jurassic Park.

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Random Things To Say Over Texts

I'm going to get my toe nail-pierced this weekend.
When in a grocery store ask the clerk "do you have Prince Albert in a can?", if they say yes, tell them to let him go.
My eye socket is warm.
Do you eat other people's fingernails?
Have you ever tried sleeping in water?
Chocolate milk comes from brown cows you know.
Never play golf with a doctor who wears green socks.
If you are driving down the road and pass a field with hay bales laying in it, point at the field and yell "Hey".
Why aren't shorts half the price of pants?
When asked a question where you know the answer is yes, instead of saying yes, say "Does the Pope wear a tall hat?"
Go into a pet store and ask them if they have sloths for sale.
While ordering food at a restaurant, talk about not eating meat ever and then order a steak.
Why are apartments called apartments when they are all stuck together?
Why are jumbo shrimp so small?
What's your favorite little pony?
While ordering food at a restaurant, ask the server for their top two dishes they like (or that people or), then choose something completely different.
Can vegetarians still eat animal crackers?
Just text someone a random word and see what happens.
Start a group text with random phone numbers and start talking about a serious problem you have.
When someone randomly changes the subject, shout, "He's at it again!"
In the middle of a positive conversation, interject, "Now let's talk about why I'm bitter."
At the dinner table, when someone picks up a condiment, point at them and declare, "That is for members only."
Send someone a text of a lottery ticket and tell them you just won $1,000,000.
When a friend suggests going for coffee, say "Don't you know there's a war on?"
If you butt dial a friend, send them a text that says, "That was your final warning."
When someone says something negative about another person, nod thoughtfully and say, "He battered his shoelaces upside down."
In a grocery store, ask a stranger, "Do you know where I might find pickled pollywogs?"
When someone bumps into you or steps on your foot, mutters, "You wouldn't do that if you knew who I was."
When someone asks you a serious question, ponder for a moment, then reply, "Cats don't roller skate."
The next time someone thanks you for something, say, "I'm going to hell so you don't have to."
If you bump into someone or step on their foot, say, "I'm sorry. If I'd meant to do it, you'd know."
Send a work colleague an email that only says, "I regret to inform you that you are no longer welcome at The Knights Of The Twisted Knee."
Ask your boss for time off for "cake bereavement."
Enter a room full of people and say sullenly, "Well. The warthogs have outdone us all."
When asked how you are, say, "Up an anthill with a butter knife and a bowl of soup."
When someone asks where you're from, stare at them blankly for an uncomfortable amount of time, then whisper, "They told me, Wisconsin."
When you run across someone you know at random, tell them, "Hey, you. I want my wheelbarrow back!"
When someone asks how you know a mutual friend, say, "Beetle fighting."
Send a text that says, "I told you it would come to this. I told you seventeen times."
On an elevator, ask someone, "Are you here for the dog food tasting?"

Random Things To Say In A Group Chat

Offer someone a piece of gum and say, "It's not what you think."
How many people put a suit in a suitcase?
If someone gets plastered just where do you find the plaster?
Why don't we call a jumping jack a jumping jump?
When someone asks a favor, say, "After all these years, am I still beholden to you?"
When someone asks the time, say, "Time for a piece of porcupine piñata."
Is a shot of tequila related to a shot of penicillin?
Why is a roller-coaster called such when it doesn't roll and it doesn't coast?
If hamburger makes a meatloaf does laziness make me-a-loaf?
Is Friday the end of the week, or is Saturday, or is Sunday, or is Sunday the first day of the week?
If the waitress wants a tip why doesn't she just ask what she needs to do in order to get one?
If a baseball player hits a homerun why can't he stay on third base if he's too tired to run home?
Is there such a thing as a honeymoon?
Is Hong Kong related to King Kong or Donkey Kong?
Does a reality show really show reality?
If corn can be corny can it be canny?
Can you ever find a whale in a well?
If you say a prayer in church what do you say in the bathroom?
If you relieve yourself in the bathroom can you also relieve yourself by eating?
Does an airplane have brakes?
What does the 19 mean in Covid? Will the next virus be Covid 20?
If P.E. stands for Physical Education why does PPE stand for Personal Protective Equipment?
Why is a necklace called such, it doesn't have any lace attached.
Why don't we call a chocolate chip cookie a CCC?
Why do we have royalty in a deck of cards such as the king and queen and then along comes the joker?
Does everyone who says the Pledge of Allegiance really makes a pledge?
Why do we say a person is fired when there is no fire?
Why is hopscotch named as such? It doesn't have any hops and it doesn't have any scotch.
Is a bracelet considered to be a brace?
Why is chocolate ice cream called chocolate when vanilla ice cream is not called yellow?
Why is a pancake fried while a chocolate cake is baked?
What happens when you tell someone to take a hike and you're on an airplane?
Is tin foil made from tin?
When will we change "give you a penny for your thoughts" to "give you a dollar for your thoughts?"
What do you do when you find the needle in the haystack?
Can you use your putter to putter around the golf course?
Is a motor home really a home with a motor on it?
Can you find a card inside of cardboard or will you find a board?
What happens to plastic when you have plastic surgery?
Are you supposed to serve coffee on a coffee table?
Since basketball is named such, why isn't golf named golf ball?
If you are in jail can you ever collect a get out of jail card for free?
Would a crocodile snap at a snapping turtle?
If a condominium is called a condo why isn't an apartment called an aparto?
Is a heart attack the same as an attack of the heart?

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Funny Random Things To Say To Anyone

Why don't we put "the beginning" like we put "the end?"
If you shop inside the stock market, is it stocked with fruits and vegetables?
Can a car stop at a bus stop?
If you name your daughter Angel, aren't you afraid she will fly away?
Is corn candy related to corn nuts?
If laughter is good for the soul, what is the soul good for?
If our economy is broken, how do we fix it?
How can you scoot along if you don't have a scooter?
Whoever said money doesn't buy you happiness just didn't know where to shop!
If you are on a diet how do you feel about the first three letters in the word?
If a picture is worth a thousand words, what would a mural be worth?
If you want to look young and thin, hang out around fat old people.
Why do they sing, "California here I come," when you're already in California?
If you think no one cares if you're dead or alive, miss a couple of credit card payments.
A guy walks into a bar … OUCH!
We consider too much the good luck of the early bird and not enough the bad luck of the early worm.
A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that you can get from your wife for free.
An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.
Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. (Naughty Zsa Zsa Gabor!)
If you lend someone money and you never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

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Conclusion

Either you are getting those "hey, dude you're so funny" Responses using these random sentences, or you are going to be labeled as "psycho"! Well, whatever happens, one thing is for sure and that is big bright smiles!! So, do try your hands on these amazing LoL-worthy random things to say to your friends, enemies, colleagues, or anyone, and have fun.

Do tell us which one is your favorite irritating line among these in the comments section below. We'll be right back with yet another fun-filled article! Until then keep spreading smiles!

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